Two posts ago, I shared about using flag waving for worship, and how through that I had started seeing visions of heaven. In my last post, I shared more about the visions. In this post, I want to share about a vision I had about a year ago that was a little different than the others, and how the impact of that vision is still working its way through my life. And I hope that by sharing this, you might be able to identify with it in such a way that it helps you go closer to God.
With this particular vision, just as in some of the other times, I was at church and literally waving a banner, but I was also having a vision of me waving a banner in heaven before the Lord. And in the vision I was by myself — the only one waving. What happened next is what made this vision different from the others. In this vision, I felt like the Lord pointed me out to all of heaven and said something like “Look how special he is to Me” or “how glorious” or “how beautiful”. I did write this experience down, but I write the notes in so many places, I haven’t been able to find them, so I’m sharing from memory.
When the Lord did this, it didn’t leave me with a warm feeling like you might anticipate. Not at all! I had a very strong and negative reaction. I’m sure I didn’t know precisely what I was thinking or why I had such a strong reaction, but I was so mad at God, in my vision I yelled at him. And in the physical world (at church) I almost cried, but not out of joy. I actually stopped waving the banner and went and sat down! And I spend the rest of the church service and the first few hours after I got home praying and in self-examination, trying to figure out why I reacted the way I did.
Ultimately I decided that the feeling I had was something like a very strong embarrassed reaction. Up until that point, I think I was perfectly happy for God to notice me. He loves me, so he sees me in a positive light (I keep saying he has “goo-goo eyes” for me). But to point me out to others, it felt like I was exposed, and they would see all the flaws in me.
But after I had calmed down and was a little more rational, God was able to convince me that in heaven people see things in the same manner that he does, so they wouldn’t see the flaws that I see in myself.
Just a couple of months ago now, I had a very similar vision. Fortunately, I had really taken to heart some of the things that I worked through on the previous vision, so I reacted better. I understood that in God’s heart, he really sees me as glorious, or if you will, beautiful. So at first I thought this was just a test to see if I had really changed my beliefs. But then I realized that I had only partially learned some of the lessons God was trying to teach me, and this repeat vision was to help me learn the rest of the lessons.
When I first began to share this about a month ago, I told people that the Lord is definitely doing something here, but it is still working its way around my head, and that when it gets to my heart, the work will be completed.
Sometimes things go straight to my heart, and I have to engage my head to explain what it means. But a lot of times things start in my head, and they have to work their way to my heart. For me, my head acts as a screening device. This can be seen as a bad thing, because it sometimes can slow down what the Lord is doing in me. But having the head screen things can keep a lot of lies and wrong beliefs from getting to the heart — saving much heartache! So while some make fun of people who use their heads a lot, using your head can be a very good thing, too. I’m not sure people can shift their default way of dealing with things, so you just have to take what you got and learn to use it rightly.
As I have been processing the second vision, I have gone through various stages. At first, I was telling people that I think he wants me to learn to see myself as he sees me. In my way of thinking, this required me to see with “goo-goo eyes”, because I knew what I looked like without looking through “goo-goo eyes”.
But after telling my story to other people later on, I realized that God was the one with the clear vision — that I was actually looking at myself through “tainted lenses”. I saw all my history and all my weaknesses, and I thought that was the truth about me. But God says that is not the truth. Rather, the beauty, the glory, these things that he created me with, that is the real truth. And he created me uniquely, so that I could shine the glory very brightly, glory that will change the world.
We perhaps don’t understand how transformed we are through the work of God to give us new hearts and fill us with His Spirit. We don’t see how we were meant to shine. We don’t see the destiny he has for those who choose him. And I think this vision was meant to teach me (and you!) at a very deep level the truth about each of us, so that we would not hold back, but let it out!
Kris Vallotton pointed out in a talk I recently heard that you tend to sabotage relationships, work, outcomes, and blessings if you don’t think you are worthy of them. I wonder how much I have missed because I didn’t find myself worthy. I wonder how much you have missed.
I look forward to seeing how my life changes as this message sinks from my head to my heart, and I able to shine the fullness of the glory God gave me, and able to receive every blessing and capitalize on every opportunity he has provided. Wouldn’t it be great if each one of us embraced this revelation, and we were able to change the world for God together?!