Category Archives: Keep Your Love On

Learn to Respond, not React, to Build Relationships — A Quote by Danny Silk in “Keep Your Love On”

“If you want to preserve relationships, then you must learn to respond instead of react to fear and pain. Responding does not come naturally. You can react without thinking, but you cannot respond without training your mind to think, your will to choose, and your body to obey. It is precisely this training that brings the best qualities in human beings—like courage, empathy, reason, compassion, justice, and generosity—to the surface. The ability to exercise these qualities and respond gives you other options besides disconnection in the face of relational pain.”

— Danny Silk, “Keep Your Love On”, Kindle location 566

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Being Free and Powerful Means I Choose to Protect my Connections — A Quote by Danny Silk in “Keep Your Love On”

“Committing to pursue and protect my connection with you means that I will be thinking about how my decisions will affect you while making adjustments accordingly. But managing myself to protect our connection is the ultimate expression of freedom—that is what it means to be a powerful person.”

— Danny Silk, “Keep Your Love On”, Kindle location 739

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Self-Control Lets You Keep Your Love On — A Quote by Danny Silk in “Keep Your Love On”

“Self-control is at the core of being a powerful person. Self-control means that you can tell yourself what to do, and you can make yourself do it. It sounds simple enough, but telling yourself what to do and obeying yourself can be quite an accomplishment! For most of us, it’s a good day when we obey ourselves…”

“When I practice self-control in a relationship, I take full responsibility for managing my love and pursuing my goal of connection. If I ever turn my love off toward you, it is 100% my fault, no matter what you may have done. Self-control removes the option of blaming others for our choices.”

— Danny Silk, “Keep Your Love On”, Kindle location 790, 795

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Practicing Truth in a Relationship Requires Vulnerability — A Quote by Danny Silk in “Keep Your Love On”

“I don’t demand your trust; I display trust by telling you the truth. I crack open my chest and show you what is going on inside of me. I choose to show you what I am experiencing in my relationship with you, no matter what. Each time I do that, I leave you with good information, and you get to make better decisions because you can now see me. Practicing truth is a very vulnerable thing to do, but is absolutely necessary when building any relationship worth keeping.”

— Danny Silk, “Keep Your Love On”, Kindle location 847

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A Healthy Relationship is about Building and Protecting Connection — A Quote by Danny Silk in “Keep Your Love On”

“Do you want to win the battle between fear and love in your relationships? You can start by making these two fundamental commitments: It’s my job to control myself. I do not get to control other people. My number-one goal and priority in relationships is building and protecting connection… After making these commitments, you will need to acquire several skill sets in order to follow through with them. First… you need to be able to communicate love consistently in ways that people can hear and receive…”

“As you manage your love toward others and pursue the goal of connection, you will need feedback so you can understand how you’re affecting them and identify where you need to make adjustments. You will also need to offer the same kind of feedback to them. This is where the second skill set for building connection comes in—communication… Healthy communication is all about providing someone with honest, relevant information about how their behavior is affecting your life… It is about trusting them to do whatever they need to do to protect and nourish your connection and letting them know that you will do the same.”

“The third and final skill set you need in order to control yourself and pursue the goal of connection… is a new plan for dealing with the things that threaten your connections.”

— Danny Silk, “Keep Your Love On”, Kindle location 628, 633, 650-651, 658

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Understanding the Acts of Service Person (One of the Five Love Languages) — A Quote by Danny Silk in “Keep Your Love On”

“Each and every time Acts of Service people enter their home or work environment, the meter begins to run. This meter is connected to a video camera in their heads that scans their surroundings and fills or depletes the meter based on what they see has been done, or not done, for them. For example, when they come in the house and see shoes, backpacks, dishes, jackets, and other random items strewn all over the floor, see that the dog needs to be fed, see that the TV is on and no one is watching it, or see anything that needs to be ‘fixed’ or ‘done,’ their anxiety begins to climb. This anxiety is even more heightened if they know that they are the only person living in their house who needs that level of order and structure… The way to fill an Acts of Service person’s love tank is to find out what they need and do it as a free act of love, not coercion. On their end, Acts of Service people need to learn how to communicate their need and not simply broadcast their anxiety. They need to say, ‘I feel loved when you take care of things that are important to me. When you don’t, you send the message that I am not important to you.'”

— Danny Silk, “Keep Your Love On”, Kindle locations 432-433,446

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To Empower a Weak Person, Ask Questions That Help Them be Responsible — A Quote by Danny Silk in “Keep Your Love On”

“When they [powerful people] encounter a powerless person, they are not tempted to dive into an unhealthy triangulation dynamic. They hear a victim’s sob story and ask, ‘So what are you going to do about that? What have you tried? What else could you try?’ These questions confront powerless people with their responsibility and their capacity to make choices and control themselves.”

— Danny Silk, “Keep Your Love On”, Kindle location 264

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How to Build a Deep, Heart-to-Heart Connection — A Quote by Danny Silk in “Keep Your Love On”

“The only way you can build a heart-to-heart connection with someone is to communicate on a heart level about your feelings and needs. This is the level where we express vulnerability and build trust. This is the level where we get in touch with the truth about who we are and how we affect people around us… When I value your feelings [that you communicate to me], I will not only make it safe for you to communicate them to me, but I will also listen and respond. I will invite you to go deeper and show me what it is you need, so we can move from understanding to decision-making and action.”

— Danny Silk, “Keep Your Love On”, Kindle locations 1061-1063, 1081

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Understanding the Quality Time Person (One of the Five Love Languages) — A Quote by Danny Silk in “Keep Your Love On”

“A Quality Time person feels love and connection when you find them interesting—with the evidence of this interest being that you want to spend time with them… For a Quality Time person, pain enters the relationship when you don’t listen or pay attention to them. When you don’t make time to fully engage with your Quality Time person, you send them the ugly message that you are not interested in them, or worse, that they are not important to you… The level of genuine interest and engagement you give determines quality. Engage in the activity or conversation with all your energy and attention, and engage with them on the deepest level.”

— Danny Silk, “Keep Your Love On”, Kindle location 466-476

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Whether You are Powerful or Powerless is Often a Belief — A Quote by Danny Silk in “Keep Your Love On”

“In order to be able to make and keep commitments… to enduring, intimate relationships… you need to be a certain kind of person. You need to be a powerful person. Powerful people take responsibility for their lives and choices. Powerful people choose who they want to be with, what they are going to pursue in life, and how they are going to go after it.”

“Unfortunately, most of us did not grow up to be powerful people… Most people don’t know that they can be powerful, or even that they ought to be. They are trained from a young age that someone else is responsible for their decisions, and all they have to do is comply and obey. This sets them up to struggle in multiple aspects of life, particularly with building healthy relationships.”

“Often the first thing that reveals a powerless mindset is powerless language. Frequent use of the phrases ‘I can’t’ and ‘I have to’ is a hallmark of a powerless person. ‘I can’t do that. It’s too hard. I have to clean the kitchen. I have to go to school. I have to spend time with so-and-so.’ All of these statements say, ‘I feel powerless to take responsibility for my actions, so I will say that someone or something else is making me do it.'”

— Danny Silk, “Keep Your Love On”, Kindle location 180-87

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